You are not your gifts
The topic of this post is a statement I encountered recently that has stuck with me till now. It was stated by Jeff Bezos in an interview, and the paraphrased context is as follows:
We should certainly celebrate things that nature and circumstance gave to us, such as intelligence, beauty, athleticism, and so on, but we shouldn't be proud of them because we didn't earn them. Instead, what we choose to do with what we are given is what defines us.
This point hit particularly hard because I'm guilty of relying on gifts for most of my life. I was fortunate to be born to parents who immigrated to Canada so that my sister and I could grow up in a safe and carefree environment. Above average intelligence carried me through school and most things I dabbled in, from the CFA exams to the GMAT and an MBA at Oxford. Until after I turned 30, when I made the decision to move to Shanghai, I didn't push past my comfort zone or work hard to improve my weaknesses.
It wasn't until I began running recently that I truly understood the meaning of "earning" something.
The last time I ran was in the 10th grade (the final year of mandatory physical education). I distinctly remember having a terrible 100m time (something over 17 seconds, if I remember correctly) and walking the last leg of my 400m assessment because I was exhausted. Needless to say, I began to harbor a deep dislike for running and never thought about it again - until this blog, and my recent commitment to improving my health.
I remember my first run on August 7th. I had to stop after 1km to stretch my calf muscles because they were extremely sore and I was afraid I would injure them. For my previous run and the first half of my run tonight, I had lower back cramps and it got steadily worse. However, something very strange happened after about 2km. Somehow, I found a breathing pattern and a running pace that I could sustain without being tired. My lower back pain subsided, and I easily completed the last leg of my run.
Tonight was the first time I achieved a sub 7-minute pace over a 3km run. After the run, I decided to cool down by walking around the neighborhood for a few minutes before going back, and it felt amazing.
I'm not sure if I will find that perfect cadence again when I run tomorrow. But it doesn't matter - I know it exists, and I will find it again. The important thing is the realization that I don't dislike running anymore, and I will most likely meet the running goal I set for myself (10km in 70 minutes) before the end of this year.
It's worthwhile to note that I have very little free time these days, with full-time work, a baby daughter at home, daily runs, and daily blog posts that take 2-3 hours to write. And yet, I don't feel tired or stressed at all. I have never been prouder of myself for choosing to make a commitment to this blog and to improving my health, and sticking to them thus far.
As I look to the future, I'm not sure what other decisions I will face. However, there is one choice that I'll make for sure: I will quit working full-time in my current role by March next year (six months from now). I have a project that I want to work on, for which success would mean a dream come true for me.
To borrow from Jeff Bezos again: "Your gifts are not the things that construct your life. It's your choices that construct your life. You can choose a life of ease and comfort, or you can choose a life of service and adventure. Which one of those - when you're 90 years old - are you going to be more proud of?"
The future will probably be riskier than today. Choosing the harder path will mean more challenges, more unfamiliar environments, and a lot more hard work. It will also be more interesting, more fulfilling, and likely a lot more fun.
