Reflections on the eve of my daughter’s first birthday

It's my daughter's first birthday tomorrow. Having a kid for the first time has definitely been one of the biggest learning experiences of my life. There were many things I didn't know, and many more that I still don't know.

I've reflected a bit on the past twelve months, so I'll share what I've learned.

Sleep will be sacrificed

I think I survived this better than most (thanks mostly to my mother-in-law, who sleeps with my daughter these days), but it's still extremely taxing. In the first couple of months, it was rare for us to get more than 3-4 hours of sleep at a time. These days, I wake up between 6am and 6:30am every day and watch my daughter for 1-1.5 hours before our ayi arrives.

It's difficult to get enough sleep because sleeping early usually isn't an option (and the reason for this is my next point).

Almost no work gets done at home (during the day)

I've found that the only time I can be productive at home is when my daughter is asleep. She takes a longer nap during the afternoon, but during that time I'm also very sleepy and unable to get any real work done.

Therefore, my wife and I tend to do most things after our daughter's bedtime, which is usually from 7:30pm. For example, I have dinner, sometimes go for a run, shower, write my daily blog post, and do some work before bed. If time permits, we unwind a bit with an episode of a TV show (Kim's Convenience these days).

Needless to say, with so much to do, it's impossible for me to sleep before at least 11pm. Usually, I sleep around or just after midnight.

Kids need a LOT of attention

It turns out that my daughter can never be left unattended. This is mostly for her safety, but she also gets very upset if there's no one beside her. It's basically impossible for one person to watch a young child all day, every day. I'd say it takes at least two people, and ideally three. Without a grandparent (or two) and an ayi to help out, it'll be extremely challenging.

Autonomy (temporarily) takes the back seat

Due to the above, we lose a lot of autonomy when there's a newborn/toddler at home. It's difficult to go out with friends, travel, or otherwise live independently. My mother-in-law hasn't played mahjong in months because our daughter needs her constant attention.

Due to necessity, we are limited in our choices of living situation and caretakers for our daughter because my wife and I both work.

Limit the worst case scenario

I once saw a quote: "Judge genius at its best and character at its worst." It left a deep impression on me, and I think the latter half of the statement applies to taking care of a child.

It's impossible to do the best for everything all the time. A toddler will knock things over, put things in her mouth, cry or soil her diapers at the most inconvenient times, and so on. These are almost always no big deal.

I've come to think that it's way better to be above average all the time, than to be amazing 99% of the time but fail completely 1% of the time. These days, I'm mostly just worried about my daughter falling down the stairs or hitting her head on something hard and sharp.

Go outside

It seems that the best way to spend time with my daughter is to take her to new places to watch other people. That said, a big concern of mine is the inconvenience of taking a toddler somewhere (she needs to eat, nap, and have her diapers changed regularly).

However, looking back, every trip outside was a good experience even when some were challenging logistically. In light of this, my wife and I are taking our daughter to Disneyland tomorrow. It'll be fun!