Option 5

Today, I made a bad situation worse (ie. I chose option 5 from my framework for responding to bad decisions). And perhaps because I normally supress my desire to do this, I made the situation a lot worse this time.

There was definitely a lot of pain today, and it was my fault since I know I should be in control of how I respond to every situation I face. I must improve, and I'm sorry it happened.

Now that I'm thinking more clearly, I've remembered that pain + reflection = progress, so I'm currently reflecting - on what I could have have done differently, and which of options 1-3 was actually the right response.

To be honest, I still don't know. The catch with the serenity prayer is that it only prescribes serenity for things we cannot change. For things we can change, it recommends courage - and that is quite a vague prescription in the face of the myriad challenges we may face. What if we're not sure whether something can be changed? For example, trying to convince someone or change someone's mind. Or what if we're not sure that change is actually better for us? For example, being dissatisfied with where we are and considering a move to a different city.

Or perhaps it could be more courageous to accept something even if we have the ability to change it, because the change we're contemplating might simply be an easy way out rather than a positive long-term solution.

And perhaps it's more than a coincidence that someone happened to recommend No Longer Human to me today. I may be in need of a thoroughly depressing novel to keep me grounded and remind myself that my situation in life is actually exceptionally good - and that there really is no excuse for me to get upset about anything at all.

Writing my thoughts down helped. This blog post has certainly been a cathartic experience, allowing me to revert to a clear-headed state and focus on the problem at hand from a more logical perspective. I'm not saying the problem I faced initially can be solved easily (I don't think I would have responded with option 5 if that were the case), but at least I'm devoting my thoughts constructively towards a solution.

I'm not sure if sharing this would help anyone else. Maybe the only thing I can say is that I have many flaws - and the important thing is to recognize these flaws when they manifest and earnestly figure out what to do about them.

I must confess that prior to writing this, I spent a long time trying to justify option 5. There is no justification. Option 5 is always bad. Remembering this from now on is half the battle. The other half is to never do it again.