Ages 5-75: What’s your biggest regret?

Last month, I wrote a post about the regrets of the dying. Since then, I've thought about it and realized that by emphasizing this, we make an assumption that our regrets at the end of our lives are the most important.

Our lives are made up of individual moments, and each moment is lived separately. At one extreme end of the delayed gratification spectrum, it wouldn't make sense to be miserable all our lives and only be happy at the end. In terms of regrets, perhaps a better strategy would be to minimize them throughout our lives.

Recently, I came across a video on YouTube that asks 70 people - one of each age from 5 to 75 - what their biggest regret is. Though statistically insignificant, these brief snapshots throughout time do provide some anecdotal evidence of what we care about at different points in our lives.

Children: family and friends

Up until the answer from the 16-year-old, answers mostly revolved around our relationships with the people close to us. None of the respondents exhibited any hint of bitterness from what I could see.

Young adults: family and personal development

Some weighty regrets start appearing from the late teenage years and early twenties. Some responses were about not spending enough time with family members before they died. Others were about high school and not knowing what they wanted to do earlier. Notably, no one talked about careers/jobs.

Middle age: the road not taken

A very large proportion of responses from the late twenties to late thirties begin with the word "not". Not doing something, not sticking with something, not trying something. Not accomplishing enough at an earlier age.

Late middle age: anger and bitterness

Some of the responses from the forties and fifties are both savage and sad. People were willing to be recorded while saying their biggest regret is not staying single longer, or their second marriage. One woman in her late forties regrets not realizing earlier how wonderful she was, with a poignant pause in the middle and the emphasis on "was".

Old age: acceptance

Responses are similar to those from late middle age, but I noticed the respondents' expressions gradually became more matter-of-fact or even bemused as they got older. It's as if rather than be angry at what has come before, they have ultimately decided to make the most of the time remaining to them.

The video was just five minutes long, but I found it insightful. Some of my takeaways:

• Family is a common thread throughout life. You probably won't go wrong with spending more time with family members you like or at least staying in touch more often.
• Say yes to more things. This is another common thread. I didn't count, but it felt like more than half of the responses began with "not".
• Careers are not a major source of regret, despite dominating a large part of most people's lives.
• Late middle age is likely to be the worst period. This corroborates with findings from the life journey exercise.

Ultimately, it seems that the overall conclusions remain the same. I suppose it's time for me to reflect some more on the potentially tough times ahead.